Who's Number 3?

Tad chimes in with something way more brilliant than I could ever come up with:

For the people that simply enjoy professional sports and are uninterested in the despicable off-the-field actions that have been taking place in the NBA, NFL and MLB, we applaud you. You understand that nothing is above the game, and that’s why I want to answer a question I have been hearing from a lot of you in the past few weeks:
Is Barry Bonds the greatest American sports hero of the past 20 years, or is it Michael Jordan?
Now, we’re all well aware that the greatest sports hero is Hedo Turkoglu at No. 1, with Alexander Ovechkin placing second. But who is third, and best of all, the greatest American? I broke it down into five factors. You be the judge.
TOPIC 1: STATISTICS
Both Bonds and Jordan have plenty to be proud of. Jordan holds the record for most seasons leading the league in scoring with 10, was a record nine-time All-Defensive First Team selection and holds the single season NBA Finals scoring record with 41.0 points per game in 1993. But Bonds has the overall home run record of 760-plus, along with the single season record of 73. And when Jordan tried to play baseball in 1994, he only ended up with three home runs – IN THE MINOR LEAGUES! Bonds destroyed that, and was also smart enough not to attempt a basketball career.
Advantage: Bonds
TOPIC 2: IMPACT
This one isn’t as close as I would like it to be. As great as Bonds has been, there are plenty of people in line to snatch the spotlight when he leaves, and it is also worth noting that there has not been a back-to-back World Series winner in the Majors since the Yankees won three from 1998-2000, keeping fans intrigued for the postseason. When Jordan left the Bulls, there was never a single player who genuinely took the spotlight – and kept it. And we then had to deal with the L.A. Lakers dynasty (champs from 2000-2002), the San Antonio Spurs “dynasty” (1999, 2003, 2005, 2007) and some crappy guy named Michael Jordan playing for the Washington Wizards for two years. The NBA will never be the same.
Advantage: Jordan
TOPIC 3: THE NUMBER 3
If you’re going to be the No. 3 sports hero of the past 20 years, you have to at least have some sort of coincidences with the No. 3. It’s a given. Jordan was born in 1963. He was picked No. 3 in the NBA Draft. His jersey was #23. He was a three-time NBA Finals MVP. His career scoring average is 30.1. He won six NBA titles, and six divided by two is three. Yes, I am counting that. He retired three times. As a baseball player, he hit three home runs. Bonds? 73 home runs in 2001, and 43 years old. That’s pretty much it, and that’s terrible karma.
Advantage: Jordan
TOPIC 4: ENTERTAINMENT VALUE
Jordan will always be remembered for his Gatorade and Nike commercials, along with making appearances on Saturday Night Live. And let’s not forget his 1996 film “Space Jam,” which, for whatever reason, was snubbed at the Oscars. Still, it has been really funny watching Bonds’ head grow so large, and he also did a HILARIOUS impersonation of Paula Abdul for an American Idol spoof that the Giants did in spring training. The aforementioned facts make them tied, so Jordan’s homoerotic Hanes commercials with Kevin Bacon ultimately serve as the tie-breaker, giving the slight edge to Bonds.
Advantage: Bonds
TOPIC 5: CRIMINAL ACCUSATIONS
Jordan LOVES gambling, so much so that some people believe his original leave from the NBA was actually a silent suspension from his gambling. He is often found in social situations playing poker and hanging out with Tim Donaghy. As for Bonds, he is accused of being a steroid user. It’s certainly brought him success with the home run records, seven MVP awards and 14 All-Star selections. So who wins? Since neither athlete will be genuinely punished, it all comes down to the aftermath of their alleged addictions. Jordan, at best, will make even more money by gambling. At worst, he’ll lose a few million dollars and just make a Hanes commercial with Kevin Bacon to get it all back. Barry will lose his testicles. Man, that’s just … man.
Advantage: Jordan
So there you have it: Jordan barely wins for greatest American sports hero of the past 20 years. Still, if we decide to have this debate in 2024, Bonds will win easily since Jordan retired in 2003. What a wacky world of sports we live in! LOL!