Music to Tad's ears

Music To My Ears

My brother and I have a pretty f’ing sweet video from 1990 appropriately named “NBA Superstars.” If you don’t have it, you should buy it: http://www.amazon.com/NBA-Superstars-Magic-Johnson/dp/6301562909.

Anyway, the concept is that they play a song to go with a highlight package for the players. Whoever decided on the songs nailed every single one of them. For example, Larry Bird – “Small Town” by John Mellancamp. Michael Jordan – “Take My Breath Away” by Berlin. Charles Barkley – “The Warrior” by Scandal. Brilliant.

So I wondered to myself out loud, “If there was a new ‘Superstars’ video, what songs would be played for the new NBA players?” I’m currently working on a list for a new VHS tape. Here’s what I have so far:

Nate Robinson, N.Y. Knicks – Skee-Lo’s “I Wish”

The entire highlight package would be his two appearances at the 2006 and 2007 Slam Dunk championships. In 2006, he missed the same dunk 13 times before finally making it – and won. In 2007, he didn’t miss quite as many, but he placed second. Maybe throw in his involvement in the brawl against Denver at Madison Square Garden, and you have more than enough footage while Skee-Lo expresses his discontent for being so short.

Manu Ginobli, San Antonio Spurs – Korn’s “Falling Away From Me”

This would probably make me the giddiest. Just non-stop clips of Manu flopping after nobody touches him, and then when Korn’s guitars get really aggressive, that will be clips of him running over to the refs with his arms out, whining. Loves it.

Gary Payton, Miami Heat* – Ludacris’ “Ho”

The Glove spent almost 13 seasons in Seattle, and even took the Sonics to the NBA Finals in 1996. Since 2003, however, Payton has played for the Milwaukee Bucks, L.A. Lakers, Boston Celtics and Miami Heat. He prostituted himself so he could get a ring, and he finally did that in 2006 with Miami. So for the league’s biggest prostitute, he gets arguably the best prostitute song ever created. In order for this video package to work, we will need continuous shots of him in all five uniforms. (*By the way, he is a free agent, so we may see him on a new team this season.)

Grant Hill, Phoenix Suns – R.E.M.’s “Everybody Hurts”

Just a package of all his reactions after all of his injuries … wow, even I thought that was mean.

Harold Miner (no team) – Jessica Simpson’s “Take My Breath Away”

I know, I know. “Baby Jordan” hasn’t played in years. But he also was given a nickname implying that he was the next Michael Jordan, and he was so not even close that it is hilarious. So as the clips of him play, we hear an inferior version of the song that described Jordan’s play so well on the original tape.

Steve Nash, Phoenix Suns – James Blunt’s “Beautiful”

Listen, the song itself doesn’t work very well. But the key here is to splice live performances of Blunt singing with Nash running the court. By the end of the package, everyone will realize that they are the same person. I mean seriously, can you even guess which one is which?

Tim Duncan, San Antonio Spurs – Trio’s “Da Da Da”

There is no doubt that this song is the boringest song ever created. If you forgot it, I’m about to ruin your day: Remember that Volkswagen commercial in 1997? The one where these two guys put a couch in the car, and the song just went “Da Da Da” over and over again? Yeah. It was really boring, then it got stuck in your head so you hated it – but it did its job, and that was to make you remember it. If that doesn’t sum up how anyone feels watching Duncan, I don’t know what does.

Allen Iverson, Denver Nuggets – Allen Iverson’s “40 Bars”

David Stern made sure this song was never released to the general public, so now Iverson will have his chance to make a music video for it. In fact, I don’t even want any basketball clips in it. Just him rapping the lyrics in the camera, with people making scary faces in the background.

Tim Donaghy, referee – O’Jay’s “For The Love Of Money”

It won’t be easy getting enough clips of Donaghy himself since he’s just a ref. But we can at least put together a package of terrible calls he made, and maybe fade the music at the end and show David Stern’s press conference. That would be awesome.

So that’s what I’ve got so far, and I’m also debating putting a hidden track after the credits for those who stick around, which would be Tim Hardaway highlights over Aqua’s “Barbie Girl.” Any more ideas? E-mail me at bigbabytad@hotmail.com. I would really like to put this together soon.

Brian Brohm vs. Colt Brennan: The tale of the tape

So with the 2007 already down the drain and the Falcons locked in for the #1 pick I think it will be fun to compare the top QB prospects in the 2008 NFL Draft, Colt Brennan from Hawaii and Brian Brohm from Louisville.

Name:
Everybody knows a couple of Brians so there is nothing spectacular about it. Colt on the otherhand is a rare name and anybody named Colt was destined to play football or participate in rodeo.
Advantage: Brennan

Hometown:
Brohm is from Louisville which is known for many things, but mostly it's known for making baseball bats and equipment. It does get a deduction because people never know how to pronounce it. Seriously, is it LOO-ee-ville or Loo-IH-vull? (trick question, it's actually pronounced Lewis-ville). Brennan on the other hand is from Laguna Beach, Ca which was the setting for an MTV show. I could probably spend 5 minutes in Laguna Beach and see more attractive girls than I would in a week anywhere in Kentucky.
Advantage: Brennan

Hair-do












it's a little mop-topish an unkempt, but it's nothing uncommon for a college student today.












Yes, I can't think of a single white person who looks good with dreads, afterall it generally conveys a real stoner/hippie vibe, but most of his Hawaii teammates are Samoan or Tongan and have long hair as is custom on those islands so he grew his hair out for solidarity purposes which I admire.
Advantage: Brennan



oh wait, are those the Hawaiian Islands dyed into his head? Yikes.
Advantage: Brohm (on a recount)

Sex appeal:
You have to be able to appeal to the female demographic if you want to push merchandise in today's sports world. Look at the effect Brady Quinn is having in Cleveland. Several dozen stout Ohian women throw themselves upon him on a daily basis, all of whom he declines with a polite and gentlemanly, "oh hell no." However, the Brady Quinn endorsed feminine hygiene products are the top sellers in four states. Brohm looks like Opie so women might find him cute, but few will find him sexy. Once Brennan's hair grows out he'll be back to his old sexy self.
Advantage: Brennan

Rap Sheet:
Brian Brohm has, to common knowledge, never had a run-in with the law. Brennan spent seven days in Jail convicted of burglary and criminal trespass in a University of Colorado dorm. As we know, the Atlanta Falcons would never, ever, ever, EVER draft a player who would show such poor judgment and engage in criminal activity.
Advantage: Brohm

College Head Coach:
With all due respect to new Louisville head coach Steve Kragthorpe, Brohm is a student of New Falcons coach Bobby Petrino. Brennan is a protege of June Jones who served as Falcons head coach from 1994 to 1996 compiling an impressive 19-29 record. Given his history, Bobby Petrino will have deserted the sinking ship that is the Falcons organization long before he gets to 19 wins with the Falcons.
Advantage: Brennan

So there you have it, using the formula all NFL GMs use to draft players, Brennan edges out Brohm for the Falcons pick, which will be #1 overall this coming April. Brohm is probably the better option since no coach has ever failed in the NFL bringing in a guy he coached in college to quarterback his pro team. Brennan could be marketable as the sinner who found redemption which is a step up from our old marketable star who was just, you know, a sinner. And besides, I think Brennan would look cool with the state of Georgia dyed on the side of his head.